the power of paying attention

the long process

If you look carefully, you will see the date on the top of this notebook page is February 20, 2005. What you don't see is that I have other notebooks with dates from 1995 on them, and they are all part of my working-out of Hang The Moon, which is a working title for the 1966 novel.
I had finished Each Little Bird That Sings when I was writing in this notebook. It was on the cusp of being published. I had turned my attentions to Hang The Moon, but I was still having trouble getting a grip on it.

On the surface, the novel -- which takes place in 1966 -- is about two girls, cousins, and their trip from Mississippi to Memphis to find Elvis Presley, whom one of them is convinced (with reasonable proof) is her father.

But when I scratch beneath the surface, which I'm compelled to do every time I sit down to write it, I find that this book is just... enormous. It has overwhelmed me for years.

Under that surface story is more than I have been able to capably write about. This story has been asking for expression, and I have been trying to hear it. For fifteen years, ghosts have been whispering to me, revealing the deeper story to me, and I have been saying "not yet, not yet. I can't go there yet."
But it's time to go there now. There comes a point when it's worse not to go there than it is to say yes, and to step up to the plate. Below the surface of this 1966 story, running underneath how much Birdie loves Elvis and Margaret loves the Beatles, is a book about cosmic ideas, deeply-rooted beliefs, and love. There is pain and suffering. And deep, abiding joy as well.I'll be talking about the writing process (well, mine, anyway) tonight at 7pm at the University of Tennessee at Knoxville, at the Center for Children's and Young Adult Literature. If you're nearby, I hope you'll come out and tell me what you know about love and hope and courage. I need all these things now, as I navigate this revision of Hang The Moon. I am so looking forward to seeing your faces, hearing your stories, and gathering some of your strength for the days ahead.

early kitchen morning and memory

There's a story here. Which one should I tell? Just a few choices:

1. How long it took me to gather all the ingredients this year, to dig up the jars from their basement banishment and wash them, and then how the actual making was (I always forget) a snap. An "inside" story, perhaps of lethargy or procrastination, or is it a wee bit of depression? Nah, it's something else... I could investigate.
2. Making Christmas in my new hometown of Atlanta, segueing into how much delight I'm finding in this holiday season, the first one in several years that I have enjoyed for just-itself, or as I wrote a friend this week, the first holiday in years that I have not been a) destitute, b) traveling, c) on deadline, or d) having my annual nervous breakdown. Nah... too wide. I want to focus on the granola.

Let me strive for one clear moment in time. I'll take a lesson from what I teach. Take one moment, beginning-middle-end. Write short. Use telling detail. Use your senses. Your feelings. Show us that moment in lovely (terrible, excruciating, hilarious, comforting, angry, amazing) bas relief. Let us live it with you. So. Try again. Why is this moment important to me?

3. The first time I made this granola, I made it with my son, Zach. He was almost three. The recipe has the date written on it: December 1984. I took it from an old Rodale cookbook that was falling apart by the time I moved to Atlanta, so I cut the recipe out of the cookbook and pasted it into the front of American Wholefoods Cuisine by Nikki and David Goldbeck.
But wait... I'm straying. I can add this in later if I want to, for texture and reference, when I revise.

I'm on to something. Let me grab my notebook. Scribble: making this granola with three-year-old Zach who is now almost 28. The way the day was so foggy and cold and damp, but inside the fire crackled and the young enthusiastic son stirred and tasted, stirred and tasted, standing on a chair at the table, wearing one of my aprons hiked up under his armpits, an enormous pot and a fat wooden spoon his companions, how he asked a million questions, how he wanted to gift the world with this granola, and how I learned he needed a funnel to fill the jars; how I wrote the recipe on homemade recipe cards, how he punched a hole in the corner of each, and how we, together, tied the recipe to the jar with a length of red yarn.

What else? How his eyes shined with his accomplishment. How we sang "Jingle Bells" as we worked. How he signed each card in green crayon with a crooked Z. How he said, like it was the most natural thing in the world to expect, "Let's do this again tomorrow." How flat-out happy I was... how young I was.

Yeah, let me write about that. Let's see: what happened first? I want a good lead. And what happened next? Let me capture this moment in time; let me preserve it forever.
This is how it begins.

eclectic sunday mix

Stories here and there this week and weekend. Family for supper and music. This photo is also an excuse to show off my bird tree in the background. Found this in Virginia Highlands, bought it from a guy selling it on a corner, and brought it home. It will be my Christmas tree this year.
Found this, too. She needs a name. Hmmmmm?
View from my kitchen window.
Vespas lined up in Cabbagetown, a cool former mill-town neighborhood in Atlanta.
Where the Vespa owners went:
The fourth annual Cabbagetown Chomp and Stomp. Somehow we threaded through the crowd to the main stage to hear The Dappled Grays (which was why we came):
They sang "Autumn Leaves" and this couple danced. (Note they are actually a threesome):
The crowd was so immense, and we didn't have a rooftop to sit on:
So... after-while we mosied the ten blocks to our car. Passed this old shotgun house:
And, after all those photos of community, here's the one I love best:
These are eggs from Allison Adams's girls. They are sitting on a 49-cent Ikea cotton dish towel. I'm about to put the hand gathered eggs from a new friend into an old RevereWare pan that has the dents and hues of decades past in it -- it belonged to my mother. I love it when the past and the present come together like this, when stories blend, and something new is created. A new memory. New connections. Community.

Allison's new blog, The Southern Urban Homestead, is a must-read. I recommend subbing. Good writing, keen sensibilities, a smart and tender heart, a talented musician, and a search for balance in the city, while nurturing chickens, a garden, and friends. Thanks, Allison.

I'm off to make a soothing, fresh (with homemade mayo) egg salad for lunch today. What about you? What's happening at your homestead today? How are you looking for balance? How are you blending the past with the present, as you create your future?

Perhaps a few photos are in order, or a few words in your notebook, to remind you of these days, after the leaves have fallen and cold winter has come.

norma

I'm going to write about my biggest fear with Hang The Moon, the second book in the Sixties Trilogy, but I can't do it today. My friend and mentor died on Friday, and she is part of this Hang The Moon story, so first I want to tell you about her.

But I can't. I'm bereft and don't yet have the right words. So let me direct you to her website and her obituary, and let me say farewell in a most clumsy manner to Norma Fox Mazer today. I loved her and love her still. Her book When She Was Good knocked my socks off and was part of the reason I went to Vermont College to get my MFA in writing. Norma was my advisor for two semesters and became my friend. She loved me, too, with a fierce devotion that always surprised me. She demanded the best from me, and often I failed her miserably. And more than that, I cannot find the words to say.

I'll leave you instead with a piece I read this morning about a student and a teacher. It's Good Writing -- that phenomenon I love. Good Writing elevates the mind, and even life. And today I need a little elevating.

This piece is by novelist Alexander Chee, about his time studying with Annie Dillard. It will appear in the book Mentors, Muses & Monsters, edited by Elizabeth Benedict and published by Free Press/Simon & Schuster later this month.

Here's a tiny excerpt:

In that first class, she wore the pearls and a tab collar peeped over her sweater, but she looked as if she would punch you if you didn't behave. She walked with a cowgirl's stride into the classroom, and from her bag withdrew her legal pad covered in notes, a thermos of coffee and a bag of Brach's singly wrapped caramels, and then sat down. She undid the top of the thermos with a swift twist, poured a cup of coffee into the cup that was also the thermos top, and sipped at it as she gave us a big smile and looked around the room.

Hi, she said, sort of through the smile.

My first meeting with Norma Mazer was very different. I'm writing about it for publication right now (I will post the link when it publishes) and I'm trying to get the words just-right. I want the tone, the detail, the feeling of it to come across... and -- once again -- I'm failing miserably. But I will continue to try.

This is what Norma would tell me to do -- write. Keep working. Try. I may be gone, but that is not an excuse for you not to do your job, not to meet your deadline. I know she is right. And I know I will find the words.

Norma was ever the teacher. So, in her honor, I will put on my teaching hat today, too:

Try. Open your notebook and sketch a scene about meeting one of your teachers -- a mentor, a muse, a monster. What was it like? Notice what works about the Alexander Chee paragraph above, and why it works. Take it apart and see how you can do the same in your own short piece about a teacher whose presence has stayed with you.

My wise husband says that some people leave a part of themselves within you when they die. I think he's right. Norma is still right here, right with me, in my mind and heart, as I write Hang The Moon. What a gift that is.

Thank you, Norma. Thank you for all you gave to your friends and family, to the world of children's literature, and to those of us who came to learn at your feet. How strange the world is without you. How lucky we are to have our memories... and your stories.

gathering day

I spent the largest part of yesterday afternoon with daughter Hannah, gathering. We went thrifting and discovered a sixties lemonade pitcher with five glasses, as well as some old sherbet cups, perfect for all that ice cream we've been making. We visited the farmer's market in Decatur, where we bought eggs and bread and cucumbers. Then we picked up our first CSA box as well, full of tomatoes, green beans, okra, peppers, melons, potatoes and more.
All in all, a good gathering day. And, best of all, we gathered more than concrete things. We gathered ourselves together, too -- we confabbed, we reminisced, we shared the doings of the days, and we made some plans for the future. A celebration is in order. Our friend Richard has a new job -- surely this calls for cake and more ice cream.

Yesterday I got busy gathering the new book together as well. As I browsed the aisles of Kudzu with Hannah, as we talked about the coming season three of Mad Men, we'd hold up a find and say, "Oh, this is such a Betty dress!" or "this is so Joan!" and as the lemonade pitcher and glasses came home with us, I slipped back into the sixties.
Once we were settled at home and the produce was put away, I sliced a fat heirloom tomato for a tomato sandwich on two slices of Magnolia Bakery's cinnamon-raisin-pecan bread. I slathered the bread with homemade mayonnaise, layered in the tomato and salt and pepper, poured a glass of peppermint iced tea, and sat down to supper in Irene with my notebook.

I'm beginning again. I'm gathering to me the bits and pieces for a new book. I can see that I need to research again -- I'm making a list of books, DVDs, and music I need to read, re-read/watch, and listen to. The playlist is coming along. Soon I will pull out the art tablet I used for this second novel -- I know what this book is about, thanks to this art-tablet notebook -- I've kept lists upon lists of what I want to know, what I know, and where I think this novel is going.

It will surprise me as I write and revise, but today I expect these surprises. I'm ready to gather them to me as well, to gather together all the pieces and parts of 1966 -- what's in my head, and heart, along with the drafts I have discarded over the years. I'm ready to get to work.

As soon as I make a cake and a little malted milk ice cream. (Thanks, A., for the link!)

thrifting and the meaning of life

Pictured below is yesterday's haul at Book Nook in Decatur, Georgia. I almost never find anything affordable anymore at used book stores. Long gone are the days I rummaged through boxes of books on the side porch of a little thrift store in Vienna, Virginia and bought books there for a nickel a piece when I could afford the extra nickels.

I also bought my then-three-year-old daughter a nightgown for 45 cents, which stays in my mind for some reason -- even the very look of it I remember... it was soft, well-worn cotton, buttercream yellow with tiny lace trim on the sides and bottom. Oh, how A. wanted that nightgown.

It was 90 cents, and outside my very paltry budget that day, but the owner took one look at us, and especially at A., who had her hands clasped under her chin, longing for that nightgown, and said, "Today, it's half off." My daughter wore out that nightgown before she grew out of it.

I digress.
I am partial to thrifting. Years ago, it saved my life. Even though that sounds like a drastic statement, it's true, and one day I will write about that life. These days, thrifting sports a different hue, but is no less important to me. Most of my home is furnished with thrifted items, and most of the clothes I wear are thrifted.

(Another aside: I once worked in an IRA symposium with the wonderful Naomi Shahib Nye, who boasted at the microphone (because she'd been introduced this way) that she had not bought anything to wear in over 8 years. "Share with your friends!" she said. Say it, Sister!)

Ahem. To the books. I love old cookbooks and gardening books, and old, odd books about keeping house and parenting. Yesterday at Book Nook, I found so many good ones on the half-price bookcases. The entire haul cost me $11.77, with tax, which is harking back to those good old days before thrift stores really knew how much old books could bring.

Maybe these books are important only to me. That's fine. This winter I will savor The Encyclopedia of Cooking (1951), Farm Journal's Cooking for Company, The Winter Garden, and sooner than winter I will try some recipes from Our Daily Bread along with the Chocolate-Orange Meringue Pie ("Light and colorful with grated chocolate as a garnish and a surprise layer of chocolate under the orange custard filling" p. 228) from Farm Journal's Best-Ever Pies.

Wanna come for dessert? A recipe isn't complete until it's shared.

I'm thinking about cooking lately since I have time to cook these days (have made time), and because I see what a community cooking and eating together creates.

Michael Pollan was interviewed on Fresh Air yesterday. It's a 20-min. interview worth listening to. He'll have an article in the Sunday New York Times worth reading about the same topic -- we watch cooking shows, but we cook less than ever. Why is that? He posits that it may well be that it wasn't fire or even language that grew us up into human beings. It may be the act of cooking.

And thrifting. :> Finding new uses for old discards. Or repurposing what we already have. Kids do this instinctively -- the couch cushions turn into a rocket ship or a cave.

What about you? What do you thrift or repurpose, and how do you do it, and why? What's the greatest, neatest, coolest, funkiest, funniest or most amazing thing you ever scored/thrifted/yard saled/repurposed?

Write about that. Short. One seed of the pomegranate. Just one story. Beginning, middle, end. Take a snapshot, draw a picture, give it some heart, make it a song. I'd love to see it, hear it, savor it. It will enrich my life every bit as much as that Chocolate-Orange Meringue Pie. Less calories, too.

It's why we're here, to share our stories with one another.

finally, rain

We've had the best rain this week. Thunder, darkening skies, steady showers, even downpours, then clearing and the sun shines again. For a drought-weary city, this rain has been a blessed relief. The garden lives again (no amount of watering helps a parched garden, especially when watering restrictions are in effect), and there are indoor things to do.
A rainy evening calls for cookies. Thanks, Hannah.
A rainy afternoon calls for a cucumber/tomato salad... the last of the farmer's market produce this week. We eat in Irene and watch the rain sluice all around us, like a curtain. The smell of rainwater on dry earth is exquisite. My Aunt Mitt used to say, "Just smell the earth! I like to think God washed it!"
A little hula hoop practice is good for the rain-bound soul.
And a little administrivia. Web page building, email answering, work-related phone calls, and bill paying. All a distraction while waiting for the sun to come back out.
Thanks for all the anniversary good wishes yesterday! We had a wonderful day doin' nuthin' much.

What do you do on a day when you do nuthin' much? What do you do when it rains? Pull out your notebook and write one paragraph, one pomegranate, full of the most luscious details you can muster. Write with nouns and verbs.

Have a great weekend.

the cat came back

The ingrate. Just look at him, belly on the cool wood floor, little right foot sticking out so coyly. We rescued him from the bushes two years ago, when he was just a few weeks old, nurtured him to health, spent a bazillion dollars in vet bills -- he was always getting torn up outside by some thing or some other cat. We cooed to him and coaxed him and played with him and educated him and lovingly encouraged him to love us right back even as he chewed on our fingers and nipped at our ears -- hahahahaha. Our mistake.
Here is Cleebo, named for the same character in The Aurora County All-Stars. Cleebo the Clueless, I called that character. But this Cleebo is not clueless -- he's wily and crazy like a fox.

He stays away for months at a time. Yes, months. He returned at Christmas after an absence of a month, and we rejoiced. He sauntered in, chowed down, and waltzed right back out the door. He was gone for over two months this spring -- we were sure the coyotes that live across the way had gotten him. But here he came on the Fourth of July, still wearing his collar and name tag (with our phone number on it), loping down the driveway like he'd never been gone a day, right past me as I stood in the garden and watched him, my hands full of weeds.

We were overjoyed to see him the first time he came back. We had been so worried about him and had missed him so much. Now, when he shows up again, we hardly move. Someone says, still lovingly (we are suckers for Cleebo, we can't help it), "you ingrate..." as he sashays past us heading for the food bowl. Then I make sure he has his flea meds and is up to date on his shots before he can get back out the door.

He has been in and out since July 4, and I don't know if he intends to stay for a while or not. I've thought about writing about this cat, making up a story for a picture book, but I don't have a strong attachment to that idea, and I need that strong pull to the heart before I can make any story successful, so I'll pass on using Cleebo as a story idea.

So I won't write about Cleebo, and I don't write about my children or grandchildren or even the present day. I tend to plumb my young life for stories instead. I always go where my heart leads me, in trying to tell a story. The craft can and must come later. But if my heart's not in it, if there's not something strongly and steadily pulling me toward writing a story whether or not it ever becomes a book, then I leave it alone -- it's someone else's story to tell.

I've got four or five stories clamoring for my attention right now. I've got to turn my full attention to book two in the sixties trilogy soon, but I think I can work up one of these shorter pieces now. Which one is yakking the loudest? Time to sit down with my notebook and see.

the soundtrack of your life

Here it is. The 1962 Novel has a playlist. Here are the songs mentioned in the book, the songs that are the soundtrack of my heroine Franny's life. You'll recognize Broadway, film, political polemic, humor, poetry, hymns, marches, jazz, rock, pop, R&B, country folk, anthems, classical pieces, spoken word (including a snippet of JFK's Cuban Missile Crisis speech and the Duck and Cover PSA) and a hint of the British Invasion to come.

You'll also read a snippet of the novel with each song listed, as a taste of what's to come next May when the novel is published. We'll also make this playlist available on iTunes at some point, so readers can download the songs that appeal to them and follow Franny's life (and the novel) in song.

Most recordings are orginal to the era. Three I've snuck in there anachronistically, because I took some artistic license. Can you tell which ones?

What is the soundtrack of your young life? List it, in your notebook, download it, sing it, act it out, dig up photos of that time and remember how that soundtrack defined you then... defines you now.

If you were 11 years old in 1962, your playlist might look something like this:

1. You'll Never Walk Alone from Carousel by Richard Rogers and Oscar Hammerstein, sung by Shirley Jones in the 1956 film version.

I am eleven years old and I am invisible.

2. How the West Was Won (Main Title) from the film of the same name, soundtrack by Alfred Newman 1962. John Wayne played General William Tecumseh Sherman.

He's standing with his big hands on his hips like he's John Wayne in a cowboy movie, saying Don't worry, ma'am, it's just a coyote.

3. I'm Just Wild about Harry by Eubie Blake and Noble Sissle sung by Ethel Smith (and Eubie). Harry Truman chose this as his campaign song.

From Biography 1: He had dreamed of being a great soldier when he was a boy and suddenly he had a chance, because in 1917, America began fighting in a war in Europe.

4. Happy Birthday Mr. President vocal by Marilyn Monroe, spoken word by John F. Kennedy.

"Gale's going to be Marilyn Monroe for Halloween," says Margie.

5. Jose the Astronaut by Bill Dana

Drew interrupts. "I'm going to be an astronaut!"

6. Where Have all the Flowers Gone? c. 1961 by Pete Seeger and Joe Hickerson adapted from an old Ukranian folk tune, sung here by Peter, Paul and Mary.

Heavens to Murgatroid, Uncle Otts.

7. In Flanders Fields written by Lt. Col John McCrea, read by Anthony Davies.

Nothing's wrong with him! I want to scream, but that's not true.

8. Que Sera Sera by Jay Livingston and Ray Evans sung by Doris Day from The Man Who Knew Too Much 1956.

Mom is wearing her party apron at the sink. "Where have you been?" she asks in her Spanish Inquisition voice. Mom used to sing when she washed the dishes. Not anymore.

9. Somewhere by Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim sung by Jimmy Bryan and Marni Nixon in the film West Side Story 1962.

Jo Ellen cried when she took me to the movies and we saw West Side Story, but she's not a crier by nature.

10. Johnny's Theme (The Tonight Show) written by Paul Anka, performed by Doc Severensen and the NBC Tonight Show Orchestra.

They talk about things I can't understand and I fall asleep to the sounds of my parents shutting up the house and listening to The Tonight Show on their black-and-white television in their bedroom, which is next to my bedroom.

11. Solidarity Forever written in 1915 by Ralph Chaplin, sung by Pete Seeger.

From Biography 2: Pete loved their songs -- Solidarity Forever! -- and he liked their ideas. He signed on to do whatever he could to help the workers of the world. He wasn't a worker yet, so he couldn't be a Wobbly; he became a member of the Young Communists.

12. Guantanamera music attributed to Jose Fernandez Diaz, lyrics from a poem by Cuban national hero Jose Marti, sung by Pete Seeger. Cuba's best known, most beloved patriotic song.

From Biography 2: And all the while, Pete scratched down the songs he heard, collecting them. Singing them. Recording them. Sharing them. Bringing people together in song.

13. Johnny Angel by Lyn Duddy and Lee Pockriss, sung by Shelley Fabares, number 1 on the Billboard pop charts April 17, 1962. Stayed in the Top 100 for 15 weeks.

Jo Ellen has the world's best 45-rpm record collection.

14. Side by Side by Harry MacGregor Woods sung by the Mitch Miller Singers on Sing Along with Mitch 1961-1964. Mitch Miller is still living at this writing and is 97 years old.

I forgot to sweep the kitchen floor and Mom had a few choice words to say when she came downstairs to find me following the bouncing ball with Daddy and Mitch Miller, singing "Side by Side."

15. Stars and Stripes Forever composed by John Philip Sousa performed by the Boston Pops.

Before I can even sit up, "Stars and Stripes Forever" blasts me out of bed.

16. Drill, Ye Tarriers, Drill, American folk/work song composed in 1888 by Charles Connolly and Thomas Casey, sung by The Galliards.

"He looks fine," I insist, But he doesn't. He looks like the workers do in that song we're learning in music, "Drill, Ye Tarriers, Drill."

17. I Am The Greatest written and performed by Cassius Marsellus Clay.

From Scrapbook 2: Sonny Liston KOs Floyd Patterson in round one to claim the title of Heavyweight Champion of the World! - September 25, 1962.

18. James Bond Theme by Monte Norman, performed by the City of Prague Philharmonic, arranged in 1962 for the first James Bond film, Dr. No, starring Sean Connery.

Uncle Otts drops his voice and speaks in secretive tones. "There's spies among us -- everybody knows this. We don't know who we can trust."

19. Green Onions written and performed by Booker T. and the MGs (Booker T. Jones, Steve Cropper, Lewis Steinberg, Al Jackson, Jr.), entered the Billboard Top 100 in September 1962 and stayed there for 16 weeks peaking at number 3.

"What's that record?" I ask.
"Green Onions," she says. "Do you like it?"
"It's weird."

20. The Air Force Song by Captain Robert MacArthur Crawford, performed by The United States Air Force Band.

We're in, just like that, because we've got a sticker on our car that proclaims: This is the car of Major Philip Chapman, Korean War veteran and now Chief of Safety of the 89th Sam Fox Squadron, the Squadron that Flies the President of the United States, John Fitzgerald Kennedy! This is the car of the Greatest Jet Pilot in the Air Force!

21. The Spinning Song by German Composer Albert Ellmenreich and appearing in John Thompson's Modern Course for the Piano, Third Grade Book.

Up and down the scales I go, over and over, louder and louder, and then I practice "The Spinning Song." It's too hard for me, but I want so much to play it. Everyone wants to play "The Spinning Song."

22. In The Garden composed in 1912 by C. Austin Miles, sung by Garrison Keillor and Meryl Streep in A Prairie Home Companion.

I start with my favorites, "In the Garden" and "Love Lifted Me," which is almost too hard for me.

23. Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing written by Robert Robinson, sung by psalterbook.

Melodious sonnets and flaming tongues! I feel great!

24. When You Wish Upon A Star by Ned Washington and Leigh Harline, introduced in the 1940 Walt Disney film Pinocchio and used as the theme song for The Wonderful World of Disney until 1962.

Sometimes we eat TV dinners on TV trays on Sunday nights and watch TV, but it's too early for Disney so we eat at the kitchen table.

25. Camelot words and music by Alan Jay Lerner and Frederic Loewe, sung by Richard Burton in the original Broadway cast also starring Julie Andrews and Robert Goulet 1960.

From Biography 3: Jack and Jackie were full of pizzazz. They moved their two small children, Caroline and John-John, into the White House with them, and soon there was a pony on the White House lawn, and a tree house, and a swimming pool, and two children jumping in the Oval Office, playing with their father, while a photographer from Life Magazine took picture after picture for all America to see.

26. Runaway by Del Shannon and Max Crooks, a Billboard Hot 100 number 1 hit on the pop charts in 1961.

"Johnny Angel" has a yellow label, "Twistin' the Night Away" has a tiny scratch at the beginning edge, and "Runaway," which is my current favorite, by my favorite singer, Del Shannon, has a heart drawn on the label -- by me. Jo Ellen doesn't know this yet.

27. October 22, 1962 speech to the American people (excerpt) by President John F. Kennedy about the discovery of armed offensive Russian missiles in Cuba.

I'd better wrap up everything while I have a chance. I crawl out of bed and get on my knees.

28. Duck and Cover. "This is a Civil Defense Film" (excerpt) by Archer Productions for the United States Government's branch of Civil Defense.

When the film sputters off and the lights go on, there is not a sound in the room. Not even a chair scrape. We are all officially scared to death, but we are going to go on with our lives because Mr. Mitchell tells us to.

29. Brassman's Holiday composed and performed by Arturo Sandoval, who was born in Havana in 1949 and defected to the United States in 1990.

Mrs. Rodriguez takes her metal pointer out of her desk drawer, extends it to its longest length, and slaps at the map, just under the state of Florida. "This," she says, and we all look at where the red tip has landed, "is Cuba."

30. A Summer Place by Mack Discant and Max Steiner, from the 1959 film of the same name, performed by the Percy Faith Orchestra.

She retracts her pointer, comes to the front of her desk, and leans against it. "Cuba is a beautiful country, full of beautiful people. Let me tell you about it."

31. Over There written by George M. Cohan, sung by Arthur Fields 1917.

I say it slowly, in a whisper, like a prayer. "What happened to him?"
Uncle Otts takes the picture from me like it's a baby and gently puts it back on his nightstand. "I killed him," he says simply.

32. The Loco-Motion by Gerry Goffin and Carole King, a number one Billboard hit recorded by Little Eva in 1962.

It's time to take matters into my own hands, that's all there is to it. Either that, or I'm going to have to go crazy with the rest of them.

33. Chain Gang written and recorded by Sam Cooke in 1960. The song hit number 2 on both the pop and R&B charts.

That's the sound of the men (and Franny) working on the chain gang.

34. Are You Lonesome Tonight? written in 1926 by Lou Handman and Roy Turk, recorded by Elvis Presley in 1960. It stayed at number 1 on the Billboard pop chart for six weeks.

Come home, Jo Ellen! Fall in love with me, Chris!

35. Hit the Road, Jack a Billboard number 1 hit written by Percy Mayfield and recorded in 1961 by Ray Charles.

Hit the road, Franny! And don't you come back no more.

36. We Shall Overcome excerpt from a speech given by Martin Luther King, Jr. "The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice." The song was written by Rev. Charles Tindley in 1908. Additional lyrics are copyrighted by Pete Seeger, Zilphia Horton, Guy Carawan and Frank Hamilton. All proceeds go to the "We Shall Overcome Fund" at Highlander School.

From Biography 4: The Delta land was as flat as a door as far as the eye could see. Every now and then, a tree grew in the middle of a field, like a scarecrow with eight or ten limbs, like arms, akimbo. "Hangin' trees," the sharecropper families called them.

37. This Little Light of Mine written by Harry Dixon Loes, sung by the Freedom Singers.

From Biography 4: "Find the lady who sings the hymns," said Bob Moses. The civil rights movement became her home.

38. In the Hall of the Mountain King from Peer Gynt Suite No. 1, Op. 46 by Edvard Grieg, performed by the Berliner Philharmonic Orchestra.

Miss Farrell played "In the Hall of the Mountain King" from the Peer Gynt Suite -- I'm asking for it for Christmas. It's my favorite classical record and Miss Farrell knows it.

39. When the Red-Red Robin Come Bob-Bob-Bobbin' Along written by Harry Woods, sung by Bing Crosby and Al Jolson.

In Glee Club we're working on "When the Red Red Robin Comes Bob-Bob-Bobbin' along," and the alto part is sensational. I sing it all by myself in the bathtub at night.

40. Do You Love Me? (Now That I Can Dance) written by Berry Gordy and recorded by the Contours. The song charted in the Top 40 in 1962.

"Come on, Franny! Do what I do -- and sing after me! Watch me now!"

41. Moon River written by Johnny Mercer and Henry Mancini, sung by Audrey Hepburn in the film Breakfast at Tiffany's in 1961.

"I know. Thank you for letting me go, Jo Ellen. I promise I'll be back early."
And with those words, I begin the longest night of my life.

42. Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini written by Paul Vance and Lee Pockriss, recorded by Brian Hyland in 1960. It reached number 1 on the Billboard pop chart and sold over 2 million copies.

There are kids inside -- lots of kids. I feel like the lion in The Wizard of Oz: I'd turn back if I were you.

43. The Monster Mash written by Bobby Pickett and Lenny Capizzi, sung by Bobby "Boris" Pickett and his Crypt-Kickers. The song went to number 1 in October 1962, in time for Halloween.

Even Judy James sings, and I don't care. What I care about is that I'm in the circle.

44. Please Mr. Postman written by William Garrett, Brian Holland, Robert Bateman, and Freddie Gorman, recorded in late 1961 by the Marvelettes. The first Motown song to hit number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. It hit number 1 on the R&B chart as well.

I croon to the ceiling, right along with the Marvelettes and my friends. When the record ends, we keep on singing until we realize how bad we sound without the Marvelettes, which makes us laugh - oh it feels fine.

45. Night Train written by Oscar Washington, Lewis P. Simpkins, and Jimmy Forrest, recorded in 1962 by James Brown and his Famous Flames. The song reached number 5 on the Billboard R&B charts and number 35 on the pop charts.

All I can do is hang on for dear life.

46. Wonderful World written by Sam Cooke, Herb Alpert and Lou Adler, sung by Sam Cooke. The song reached number 12 on the Billboard pop charts.

Chris appears, still in his Superman costume. I brought help, his lips say, but I don't hear him. I telegraph him the question: Is this what happens when you die? He doesn't answer me.

47. I Vow to Thee, My Country from a poem by Cecil Spring-Rice, music adapted by Gustav Holst from a section of "Jupiter" from his suite The Planets, this beloved song has been sung at Armistice Day ceremonies as a response to the human cost of World War I.

"All right, troops!" says Uncle Otts, waving the back of his hand in their direction. "Time to fall out! Time to move on!"
Chris clears his throat. "Sir?"
"Private?" replies Uncle Otts.

48. Telstar written by Joe Meek, recorded in 1962 by the Tornadoes. Telstar was the first single by a British band to reach number 1 on the Billboard top 100 pop chart.

And, while Uncle Otts ties a snug knot, it comes to me that I will go on to grow up now -- I feel it. I will grow old, like Uncle Otts, with all kinds of stories to tell, all kinds of days to remember, all kinds of moments I will live, and choices I will make.
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What do you think?

right under your nose

I used my camera as my notebook this holiday weekend and here's some of what I photographed, along with my cryptic notes.

A little pickin' and practicin'. My right index and middle finger are "cut" by my banjo strings. Moral: wear your picks, Deb.

Hannah's homemade peach pie. She is the baker of the family.

After an absence of two months, Cleebo came back, still wearing his collar, still ready to shred the furniture, and still living with wanderlust. He's out again this morning. Sigh.
Bringing the outside in. Thanks again for the lovely bud vase, Clopper Mill Elementary School. Still at war with the whiteflies.
Ruby Lavender root beer floats. Barq's root beer and Bluebell ice cream. Photograph by Hannah.

Gathering together for pot luck and music. Part of my Atlanta family.

My favorite 35-year-old at work.

Moving the tomatoes to a place they might finally thrive (this is probably a pipe dream, but we like tilting at windmills around here):

Elvis Andy Bebop, playing with Jim who is wilting. It's 100 degrees outside.

And Gus knows it. Lazing on the basket of garden gloves:

Stories, stories, stories! This weekend's experiences contained enough drama, tension, laughter, relief, guilt, redemption and generosity to fill a book. Kids ask me where I get my ideas and I tell them, it's all right there, right under your nose, in your very own life: the stuff of story.

It's a matter of getting used to seeing your life as a story, and you can do that. Practice, practice. Keep a notebook. A sketch book. Photographs. Write songs, write plays, put together puzzles, invent something brand new: Be a witness to your life.

Hope your weekend was a good one.

Tomorrow: the playlist for The End of the Rope.

sope creek

Sometimes you just need a creek. Especially when this is what you've been staring at for two days straight. You're juggling opinionated biographies:

Scrapbook elements:

The narrative and the comments between you and your editor:

And a story map that's helping you see everything of-a-piece.

It's dizzying. Time on a Sunday afternoon to put down the laptop, close the notebook, and head for the soothing sounds of someplace wilder than the story in your head and under your fingertips. A place where the ferns grow and the water slips between the rocks, where an old paper mill once stood and a covered bridge crossed the creek. The mill is a place of ghosts and the bridge is no more, but the water remains, and there are wading and sitting places galore. Roll up your pants legs and stick your feet into the stream. Find a place to listen. There are so many stories here.

Then return, refreshed, to the page. Read the comments that keep you going, and realize how close you are to the very, truly end. Count on it. And... keep going.